Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Modern devices of torture

When you think of implements of torture something medieval probably pops into your head doesn't it? You think of being pulled apart on the rack or boiled oil...normally that is what I would think of but not anymore.
I've decided implements of torture are all around us and we don't even know about it! I go to a chamber of horrors everyday AND I pay extra for it! It's crazy I know. What is this place you's the gym (dum dum dum).
I know some of you are thinking 'it's just the walk on the treadmill for awhile and then you leave...what's the big deal.' There is so much more there than the treadmill I tell ya!

They have the Bosu Ball. Who thought of this?? It's a ball that's flat on one side. Really? If a ball is flat on one side you should probably throw it out right? Noooo...not at the gym. At the gym you put the Bosu Ball on the ground....ball side down and STAND ON IT! You balance and do's not pretty. You can also do push-ups with it and many other horrible things.
Remember these? They are fun aren't they? You used to go out in the yard as a kid and throw the ball around. You played dodge ball and other fun games. Not anymore! These exercise balls come in all different sizes for many different types of torture.

You are supposed to balance and work your core muscles with these exercise balls. You can do push-ups, sit-ups and many different kinds of core exercises. (By the way...this is SO me in the picture. You can recognize me by my rock hard abs...or the ankle tat but we aren't going to talk about that.)

This piece of equipment is REALLY fun! It's a perfectly normal looking ball but it weighs 4 to 12 pounds! While doing sit-ups, squats,or lunges you hold this ball or throw it into the air and catch it. While using it you think it's no big deal but later when you try to reach your hand up to brush your hair out of your eyes you will scream in pain. It's great!
This is a new piece of torture device that I've never seen before...the orange cone. It so looks harmless I know but watch out!
While in plank position (as demonstrated below) you take one arm off the ground and touch the stupid orange cone. It's a ridiculous exercise used to strengthen your core muscles and make you all athletic looking.
This is the side plank exercise. You think it's all easy...go ahead give it a try! I'll wait for 2 minutes and you let me know how you are feeling afterwards.

I didn't want to show actual pictures of me doing this plank exercises cause it would be too intimidating looking for you. It might make you feel bad about yourself. No matter what anyone tells you I do them perfectly. My butt is back is straight and I'm perfectly in line. (It's my blog...I'll say what I want!)

This is the ultimate torture device...the bicycle. Riding a bike used to be fun and leisurely but now it includes a ridiculous amount of energy! This bike is supposed to simulate riding up a sheer cliff or riding up a sheer cliff in mud. Who does that?? Who rides in mud? Shouldn't you stop and get off the bike and go around the mud?? Noooo...that would be too logical. Not only do I love this bike so much that I pay extra for the class everyday I also fight to get one of the 8 bikes our gym has to offer. Some set their alarms at 6am so they can be the first to call in to reserve a bike. Then once we are in class we pay someone to yell at us to put more tension to simulate MORE mud. Crazy! But it works. It burns calories you didn't even know you had!

Why do I do all this? Why do I put myself through this? So I can drink this....

and eat these!

It's so worth it!


Anonymous said...

you always make me laugh! Loved your entry!! Wish you were around on the 24th so you could scrap with us all day!!

Cindy said...

LOL I love that torture. Found out the hotel has a 24 hour gym...Oh,yeah.

Mellodee said...

Somehow I think I'd rather have the Rack!

Rachel said...

ROFL, that's hysterical!!!